"The Truth About Homosexuality" - Session 4 Recap

On Monday November 13th, 2017 we met for our fourth and final session to study "The Truth About Homosexuality: A Compassionate Response". This meeting we focused on How to Speak Truth with Compassion.


The meeting was recorded and the video is available here. A written recap summary of the session is provided below.

Now that we know the truth about what Scripture says about homosexuality, what science says about homosexuality, and some causes of same sex attractions (SSAs), we know why we need to communicate with compassion. In this session we discussed some principles to help us better and enrich our conversations.

The first set of principles we talked about is for any context.

For Any Context

Clichés that kill

Clichés are rarely helpful in conversation. They are often overused, are too short to effectively communicate a point carefully, and can be misunderstood. Here are 3 clichés to avoid.

1. "Homosexuality is a choice" - As we've already discussed, SSAs are not a choice. The actions and the lifestyle may be a choice but by and large the SSAs are not. So, when you say this cliché to someone with unwanted SSAs, all it will communicate is that you have no idea what they feel.
2. "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" - This is just a childish cliché. If you want to argue that God designed male and female for complementary purposes, just say that. Don't resort to childish clichés.
3. "God hates the sin but loves the sinner" - While this may be biblically accurate, all the other person will hear is "God hates". If you want to communicate love, do it. Don't just say it.

Don't make homosexuality out to be the worst sin.

The Bible doesn't teach this. And not only do we need to avoid saying this, we need to be cognizant of how we might communicate it with our actions and be diligent in remembering that homosexuality is not the worst sin.
 

Distinguish between public policy concerns and personal interaction with homosexuals.

They key principle here is to be sure that our passion for influencing public policy (e.g. transgender bathrooms, same sex marriage, etc.) does not spill over into our relationships with gay family or friends. We can discuss those things, but we must not project our passions about public policy onto individuals.

Make conversational character a priority.

We must continuously remember that we are not simply trying to win an argument. We are trying to change hearts. We need to avoid crass words, analogies, and counter examples to be sensitive to those we're speaking to better communicate ideas.

Follow the “Principle of Consistency.”

The principle of consistency is this:

Treat a homosexual the same way you would treat a heterosexual in a morally comparable situation.

If you want to know what you should do if your gay friend asks you to do ___, just consider what you'd do if it were a heterosexual person in a comparable situation. So if you'd not let your son and his boyfriend come over for dinner, would you be consistent with not letting your daughter and her boyfriend who she is sleeping and living with come over for dinner?

When considering attending a same sex marriage (SSM) the author of this material, Alan Shlemon, has both attended and declined. In hindsight he recommends not attending a friend's SSM. The reason is because attending implicitly affirms approval of SSM which, for the Christian, is not biblical. Additionally, while at the wedding there are other morally questionable situations that are better to simply avoid (e.g. do you clap when the couple is introduced?, do you congratulate the couple?, etc.).

The goal is to maintain a solid relationship with your gay friend while avoiding the implication of affirming the SSM. So Alan recommends planning a get together with your gay friend sometime after the SSM in order to demonstrate that you intend on maintaining your friendship beyond the SSM, even though you may not attend. But, of course, the situation varies based on the relationship. How this will work out with a gay son or daughter may be different and we discussed this during our meeting.

For the Church

These next set of principles are specifically for the church:

Welcome self-identified gays and lesbians to church.

 It should go without saying that we should welcome anyone into the church. If a gay person wants to come and listen to the sermon, attend a concert, support local mission work, we should be welcoming. Don't alienate anyone from hearing the gospel preached.

Church leadership is off limits to practicing homosexuals (it’s off limits to anyone in ongoing, unrepentant sin).

But, for the gay person who is engaging in same-sex behavior and is unrepentant, church leadership is off limits. To be consistent though, this would go for any person practicing any ongoing, unrepentant sin.

For faithful Christians with same-sex attractions, treat them like other believers.

All of us Christ-followers who are committed to obedience to Jesus have some sort of struggle. The Christian with unwanted SSA is no different and should therefore no be treated differently. I would love to see more churches recognize that there are such persons out there who are committed Christian with unwanted SSA and thus offer support groups or safe places where we can be the church to one another.

Don’t make jokes about homosexuality.

To that end we, as Christians need to create a safe environment for Christians with unwanted SSA to feel comfortable sharing that struggle. Jokes will simply alienate that person from sharing and create an unwelcoming environment to open up.

For your friends and family

Make it a high priority to maintain your relationship with them.

For our gay friends and family, we need to make sure we cultivate a good relationship. We need to be sure that we don't distance ourselves from gay friends or family simply because they are gay. We need to press in to love purposefully and consistently.

Don’t confuse love with accepting behavior.

As we've already discussed in past sessions, love does not necessarily equal acceptance. My 3 year old son will do something wrong and I will be sure he knows it. But at the same time, I still love him. In a similar way, we can love a gay friend or family member without accepting their behavior as good and moral.

You don’t have to decide between your faith and your friends/family who identify as LGBT.

Similarly, the Christian needs to understand that she can have her faith and gay friend/family member. It's important for the Christian to know what Scripture says about homosexuality so that she is not quick to abandon a biblical position based on misguided pressure to pick her friend/family member or faith.

Treat homosexuals as you would anyone else.

Again, this should go without saying.

Don’t make homosexuality the issue.

Do not feel compelled to bring up homosexuality in conversation with a gay friend or family member. Just be normal. We wouldn't feel like we always need to bring up the topic of gossip when speaking to a gossipy person. So don't feel like we need to always bring up homosexuality to a gay person.

Make a long-term difference, not a short-term statement.

Our relationships have tremendous influence. And so we need to be purposeful in building strong relationships and not just making a drive-by statement.

Make Jesus the issue.

Ultimately, we need to focus on Jesus. Focus on sharing the good news. Our hope for a gay person is not heterosexuality. It is holiness. Only God can do that. If a person accepts Jesus the Holy Spirit will transform the person from the inside out.

Thanks!

And so that concludes our study of The Truth About Homosexuality. Thanks so much to everyone who has attended and supported. My hope and prayer is that we as a church, as Christ-followers, will be better informed to graciously, purposefully, and consistently love our gay friends and family members.

For any of the handouts and notes, be sure to check out them linked for download here. I will keep the videos linked there as well but then after 30 days, per an agreement with Stand to Reason, will have them password protected. Simply contact me to get the password.

Oh and before I forget, I highly recommend this little book that does a fine job reviewing all that we talked about during this study. It was written by the same author of this study.